JM Williams

A home for all things fantasy and sci-fi.

Gremlin Noir


Gremlins, 1984, Warner Bros

All the whiskey in the world can’t drown the sick rat running through my guts. The sweet haze of cigarette smoke fails to obscure the shameful mayhem around me.

A famous frog once said, “It ain’t easy bein’ green.” Oh, he didn’t begin to know the truth of it.

Am I the only one in this bar–besides, of course, the girl serving drinks, trying to keep her skin intact for a few more seconds–that has any sense of propriety?

Besides the drunks laughing at the bar, there’s the idiot with his finger in the model train’s electrical circuit, like a dumb child evolution is trying hard to forget. There’s another fool playing croquet on the pool table, shattering beer bottles and only adding to the mess.

And then there’s Stripe. Just shot a guy at the poker table. Our fearless leader is as unstable as the rest.

I need to get out of here, before these imbeciles take me down with them.

As I am rising from the table, another simpleton accosts me, his hands covered with puppets. I knock him hard to the ground. If he has any sense, he’ll stay there.

Gotta get out.

Behind the bar, there’s a guy in a trench coat flashing the bartender. But he don’t got anything where it matters. I knock him out with a bottle and take the coat. My body might not need covering, but my shame does.

The air is bitter, snow coming down like confetti, marking some great moment that has yet to be realized. Maybe it’s coming soon. The air is thick with potential for disaster. I pull the coat tight around my skinny body and walk away.

My toes crunch into the snow and I wonder why it doesn’t cause a reaction on my skin. Water makes us multiply, but not snow? I need to stay dry. The world doesn’t need any more of those cretins. Maybe my offspring will have more sense? Can’t take the chance.

There’s a pair of boots in the snow nearby. Pink girl’s boots. I slip them on and head down the road, trying not to think what could have happened to their owner.

The mayhem around me subsides as the other gremlins head off in one direction, downtown. Maybe Stripe has something planned. I won’t be part of it. Gotta get out of here.

Within the hour, the center of town booms. Explosive fire, devilish smoke rises up into the night air. I can only hope they were all there when it happened.

I pull my hat down to conceal my face, as sirens and bright lights pass by me. On the edge of town, there’s a flat-bed truck waiting, its engine rumbling. A man tosses a few bags into the back and ushers his family into the cab. Don’t know where they’re going, but anything will be better than this place.

They are leaving. So am I.


Author’s note: I don’t typically write fanfic, but I just watched Gremlins last night and felt really bad for this guy. He’s just trying to enjoy a quiet smoke and a drink, and everything is going to hell around him. I just had to give him an escape.

If you haven’t seen the film, or don’t remember the bar scene, you can watch it on YouTube.

Anyway, thanks for reading!


I will soon be sending out my next newsletter, in honor of the new year. It will include an exclusive video of myself, talking Iric and future projects, as well as the usual publication highlight and writing tips. If you’d like to see all that, and be part of the “cool” crowd, you can sign up to join the RABBLE on the right side of the page!

4 Responses to Gremlin Noir

  1. Ha! I’ve never before cared so much for the emotional well being of a gremlin.

Join the Discussion!

%d bloggers like this: